Life.

There are a lot of things in my life that have changed recently. Things I couldn't control. I want to make more changes, but this time, on my own terms.

I want to feel beautiful. People always tell me that I am, but I can never understand why. So I'm going to do something about it for a change rather than just always disagreeing with everyone. I've already started the no poo challenge, and my "bye bye beehive challenge" inspired by Miss Aunie. (: I'm looking for the best ways to make my skin and nails healthier, and to boost my confidence. I'm going to try to take compliments better, and feel better about myself.

I want to be healthy. I'm 5'5" and about 113 pounds. I am by no means overweight nor have I ever seen myself as such. I haven't really exercised in 2 years, and I could definitely stand a change in my diet. What that means is that I will be doing 10-20-30, running more, and working out a good diet for myself. -side note: Diet means what you eat, healthy or not. It does not mean a plan to lose weight.-

I want to dress better. I tend to lean towards jeans and hoodies and tee shirts. I want to start dressing more mature especially since people don't take me seriously because they look at me and think I'm about 14.

I want to improve my relationships. With Ryan, with friends, with God, with family, with people in general. Ryan and I aren't doing bad, but I never want to stop striving to be a better couple.  I have very few friends, and I want to improve those friendships as well as make new friends who I can go to when things get tough. I love God, but I've noticed that its hard for me to sit down and study my bible or to go out and serve with my church. I think I've just gotten so used to it that it doesn't feel as important to me. I want to set up a plan to spend time with God and grow ever closer to Him. In the past year, I have had a lot of trouble being close to my family or Ryan's family. I want to fix that, and I'm still not sure how, but I'm going to start by writing them each a letter so they know what they mean to me and that I want to have a better relationship with them.

I want to move out of my house. I want to get out on my own and start the rest of my life. In order to do that, I need a job to afford it.

I want to improve my singing skills.  I haven't decided how to do so yet, but I miss my 4 octave range and my near perfect pitch that I had when I was in high school choir.

I want to learn. I'm going to study to become a psychiatrist, a pastoral counselor and a worship leader.

Finally, I want to beat my depression and my anxiety.  Through prayer, I have stopped self harming, but I still have times of overwhelming sadness and not wanting to do anything. I have so much anxiety that it makes it hard to make it through the day without worrying about a panic attack. I want to beat this. I know I can't do it on my own which is why I'm seeking help from God.

So there you have it. These are my goals aside from traveling and marriage and kids and all that. I have those goals too, but right now, these are the things I'm going to work on. The rest will come in time.

Challenge Updates-

No Poo Challenge: I've been doing this off and on since I mentioned it on here the first time, and I intend to do it more consistently, I haven't used normal shampoo in about 2 weeks.

The bye bye beehive inspired challenge: It has been 22 days since I have used a flat iron, blow dryer, etc. on my hair. I'm actually doing fine without them. Do I wish I could have pretty straight hair rather than my natural hair some days? Yes. But I haven't given in or taken my flat iron back from Ryan's house yet. I'll post pictures soon. (: